Paul

paul

The Diary of Paul Le Vieux April 27, 1798 I just built my own home with my homemade crucifix bonded to the kitchen door frame. Cod is good for me. I had cod for dinner last night and the night before and the night before and night before that and the night before that one as well. Yesterday for lunch I had beaver soup but I forgot the beaver brains to enhance my religious intelligence. I was acting like a doofus for the rest of the day. An old drunk man was wandering around my house tonight so I wrote a letter to the Pope to get the man excommunicated. I have started learning the native language its very complex I don’t like it one bit; it has difficult pronunciations and I need a pound of tea and cough syrup every time I communicate with the heathens. I recently built a new boat it is a nice canoe so I can also preach to the settlement three kilometres up river. Now I just have to prepare to different sermons. My friend Francois Collier is the preacher from the second settlement from us up river. He said the natives are attacking relentlessly. My prayers and condolences go out to the villagers who have suffered. He has been helping me also with my studies in the Huron language.

August 18th, 1798

The summers in these parts are breath-taking. I just can't imagine anything more beautiful in France. Francois Collier has recently passed. In a dispute between Huron and Montagnais he tried to settle it peacefully but a soldier accidentally killed a warrior when he charged ending up in a fearsome blood-shedding battle. Pierced in the heart by a beaver spear (made out of petrified beaver hair) Francois did not stand a change. The natives perished but at the cost of 17 full-fledged navy men. In confessions today Ms Talktumuch came in saying she had cheated on her husband. She gave very vivid lively details the room felt like it was on fire. We then engaged in sexual intercourse in the Church. I apologized to God, hopefully he heard me over the commotion. Cod is getting dull and listless. I've had it for the 156th night in a row and I have made countless things out of it. Cod and chips, cod soup, cod chicken, cod sauce, cod salad, basted cod and the list goes on. I feel like puking up half a years food right now. I am very worried about what will happen to my legacy when i die. i have no heirs because the fille de roi hate the Ned Flanders types, they want lumberjacks and beaver hunters. With no sons i my family lineage of priest will be down the tubes. Well, i have to turn in the towel for the day... mom wants me in bed...